Refueled: Supernatural Caffine

Near tears currently 

Joy & anticipation for the future of our youth. 

Humbled and reminded how our daily spheres of influence 

Matter to God. 

They matter to PEOPLE.... 

While picking up our youngest from a school dance 

I hesitated and almost

 missed the opportunity 

I now will use as fuel to get me through the end of the school year. 

(This #paraprofessional is tired and weary) 

31 days left of school! 

Fearful that I might be rejected I suppose at its core, 

I almost shied away from this pivotal opportunity to connect.  

I rolled down Dusty's passenger window and hollered out obnoxiously

  "Hey, Dusty- meet an amazing student" 

This  kid asks me tough, off the hip questions at times.  Our interaction is limited to only a few minutes a day here or there randomly.  He's searching for life's answers to inner questions. 'Am I worthy, am I enough, am I going to scare you off' or will you stick around and hear me....

He walked up with another familiar face to the car window and

 said "hello"

 to my amazing husband.  

He told Dusty,
"she's the only person at school that likes me." 

 His friend looked at him concerned and it all happened so fast.  We said good bye and drove home.

The kids in the car immediately responded with sighs and then disbelief that this young man could feel so alone, isolated 

and yet brave enough to speak out this 

vulnerable statement. Big moment for my crew. Big opportunity to recognize the importance of authentic interactions with the people God puts in our lives. Taking the moment to listen and not give advice or solutions. Just short answers to questions like the one he asked today

I'm not kidding btw-

This was asked while walking fast from one class to the next.  While I was talking to another para. 

"Hey, can people who did drugs still be heroes?"

No time to over think, this kid is good. 

Only 2 seconds of time before another stream of students cuts us off. 

I say

  "yes, they can"

Did he even hear me? 

And quickly I try to recompose myself.  Questioning if the adult next to me thinks I'm crazy....

Yikes, life is messy. It's awkward, I think at times I might get fired.  

Or is God fleshing out my fear of rejection with in me. 

 Is he teaching me in this setting? 

 Will those in my sphere still like me if they know me I wonder. 

Then a moment like today happens.  

Refueled

Truth in love works with all people. 

Women from the Bible study I laid down to work full time 

 and obviously it works with middle-schoolers too.

 I question my effectiveness in leaving the mission field. 

Leaving YWAM. 

What could compare to living in the least reached nation in the world?

5 years of my life spent all out for God.  

What could compare to seeing a Muslim friend accept his Savior and take a bath in the Mediterranean Sea and come out new and truly clean.

Mediterranean Sea aka our back yard literally in Turkey. 

This compares. 

This matters. 

These kids matter. 

This city matters. 

I am effective if I dare to be me. 

Dare to be vulnerably the woman God created me to be. 

Kind, honest, reliable. 

Brave, welcoming and free.  

Everyday I battle the wounds of being fatherless.
The deficits of love truly bring me to my knees lately. It makes me feel weak.
Does God use this pain? Can it be redeemed? Can I comfort the fatherless really? 

Can I show the fatherless the One who is by nature Love? 

Can you?  Can we? It's risky for me. It is not natural or easy. 

But I will say that it feels incredible to say the least! 

It's like super natural caffeine.

Turkish Tea

Refueled.
Thank you dear Jesus.
May these words bring your name glory.
May this life reflect your radiant light.

Daughters were never meant to be fatherless

I feel a word stirring inside that is messy.  

Daughters were meant to have fathers. 

I struggle relationally because of huge deficits in earthy love, 

communication and emotional support from my father. 

 (I've seen him once in my adult life-thanks to drugs). 

I know it's offensive to talk about this kind of stuff on Facebook,  so I decided to blog  about it.   Good reason to blog again.   Sorry in advance, to family who might feel offended -this is not intended for you.  I'm not looking for pity or answers.  I think I'm just trying to bring attention to a huge section of our society that's doing the best with what they have, and when you don't have a father it's a definite game changer.  Messy.  Very messy.  Right now I'm watching my amazing husband love his children, as well as foster children that come in and out of our home and this journey is forcing me to deal with things I try to forget about. 

Things I try to shelf, not because of sin or denial, but really out of survival and necessity.  

Or just because it's my reality. 

It sucks, I hate it.
 Foster care
has brought me to my knees countless
times in the last almost year.
It's transforming me into somebody I never knew I could be.
 It's hard, and it actually physically hurts.
It hurts to love out of places that are painful.
 It hurts to be parents to a child when you don't have parents being parents to you. 

And the more love that I give out the more I realize the deficit. 

Without my great faith I don't know how I would manage this great void, but I know there's a lot of women out there that don't know how to manage this void and I
feel like it's a conversation worth having.

What are we, the church doing about this great deficit? 

 How do we address this gaping wound in the lives of so many fatherless children? 

 I feel like daughters were meant to have fathers and when they don't great pain that manifest itself into many different life altering circumstances happens that last a lifetime,  or generations. 

How can I, you, touch the life of a fatherless daughter in your sphere of influence?

 How can we reach a fatherless generation and give daughters hope?
I am tired and weary,  even though I have incredible girlfriends that are here for me. 

But I need a father. 

 Even though I am the Lord's Beloved. 

 A tattoo on my wrist tells me that I am.

I still have a need for the fruit that rises out of the relationship between a father and a daughter. 

 It's not fair, and I know this feeling that I'm having apart from God turns into patterns of behavior in our society that are devastating.  

Pornography, 

 Human trafficking,

promiscuity,

 foster-care, 

alcoholism,

 drug abuse, 

suicide, 

depression, 

loneliness, 

lack of counsel, 

teen pregnancy,

 Behavior issues at school,

 IEP's that really are just brokenheartedness,

 How about sexual abuse because there wasn't a father in the home,

 Because that statistic goes up three fold when a single mom is raising daughters alone. 

 I am that statistic- being raped by your moms friend while he tells you that if you open your mouth he will then go rape your younger  sister probably wouldn't of happened if my dad was in the house. 

 So many issues stem from their not being a father involved in a daughters life.

I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father, I do not take Him for granted and I feel like he's put this on my heart to talk about.  I don't cry often, I think Gods calling me to weep for the fatherless and it's scary. And I don't want to do it but I think it's too late. 

God's heart aches for the fatherless, 

we have to step up and touch the lives of those who are in need.

Are you fatherless, what's your life like what are your struggles? 

My struggle right now is supporting an amazing father and husband and making myself vulnerable and available to him. 

Trusting him with my heart, 

laying bare before people and believing that I can trust them.  

I struggle  with trust, relational intimacy, depth and believing that you're gonna like the person that I really am.  

That when you get to know me you won't abandon me.

 I avoid grieving over losses.
I mostly sweep them under the rug. 

I mostly just move right past that part. 

When you're staring into the face of a 12-year-old  fatherless daughter,  who's reality  is  the foster care system who happens to be up for adoption and she's visiting your house for the weekend, Your forced to deal with these  realities. 

  God is called us to get down in the dust, to get real with ourselves, and transform this planet one person at a time. 

 Today, he is working on me.
 I'm scared to death,
 God's working out salvation in  me and legitimate faith is not easy.
 I take that back, faith for me is easy.
 I can have it for you, I can have faith and hope for the future too.
 It's dealing with  these emotions in front of me that's difficult.

 I can give a really good hopes and dreams speech, and I can think of 13 Scriptures to interject into this post but I don't feel like it's necessary.
 One will do
“But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead lives in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit that lives in you.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:11‬ ‭MEV‬‬
http://bible.com/1171/rom.8.11.mev

 I'm grateful that my mortal body matters, my emotions matter and my well-being matters to God.  His supernatural life flows through my veins and empowers me to love in spite of my great deficit.
Becoming God's child, daughter has been so freeing. 
I feel like he is calling his Church to become child like.  
Entering His kingdom requires it. 
(Mathew 18)

dis·il·lu·sioned

ˌdisəˈlo͞oZHənd/

adjective

1. 1.

   disappointed in someone or something that one discovers to be less good than one had believed.

   "the minority groups were completely disillusioned with the party"

   synonyms:

   disenchanted, disabused, disappointed, let down, discouraged; More

   Hmm, I must expound on this soon.  For now, I can nearly put up the word I think God shared with me about how I was feeling.  He helped me put a word to how I am feeling.  Nice of him, because I am needed something finite. Like a label to put on the box of my feelings today.  

   
   

   We are back in KC after almost 5 years in ministry on a furlough, that seems to maybe be us transitioning back into suburbian life again for a while.  Maybe for good.  What ever that means.  I have not blogged in for evah, living in a Muslim country will do that to a Jesus loving Blogger it turns out.  I am inching back, and it is frightening.  I am missing Asia like crazy.  

   

Love God, Love People: Trashy Bliss!

(Embracing the camera today with sisters from around the globe)

I am not sure that there is any better place in the whole wide world than Asia. 

Well, I mean for me that is. 

Smack in the middle of

His

will for my life is the most fulling place to be. 

 I long to be here for ever. 

Not this beautiful nation (even though I will serve here until He says to go),

but I am desperate to always be wrapped in the warm wet blanket of His perfect will. 

(Ya know what I mean?)

(from left to right, the Swissmen that speaks French, the Englishmen, the Montana girl and the beautiful Russian)

They came in the name of God, to serve and love people!

Part of our amazing job here in the Biblelands is to help folks from other parts of the world find there "way" lets say while they are here. 

I have never been on this side of the court. 

This side of the playing field.

Usually we are them, coming for a short few months to serve and then off we go to the next city.  This time we are the ones who stay and host. 

Very interesting! 

My girls' had a ball with these guys.  Today's assignment was to clean up the very dirty and unkept local water hole that after a long hard day of ministry we frequent to let the dog run and kiddos get some exercise.   

The bags just kept getting filled.  I was kind of super dooper glad they brought gloves!

They looked like professionals.  I heard that the last place they picked up trash was in the Ukraine and they learned a few things from that experience. 

The gentlemen, well gentle-teen actually in the left pic above is from England.   Or Britain, I mean Great Britain.  Or is it The Commonwealth he is from.... where 1/3rd of the globe still swears allegiance to the Queen? 

Huh? 

 He joyfully gave us a run down on the many names for his homeland and explained in detail. 

Cause I so needed the help! 

This American Girl is realizing she is a

tad bit ignorant to the ways of the rest of the world. 

Whew, thank goodness for teenagers from around the globe that will visit and teach me.

So, another thing we have learned is that in most of the world dogs are mean, dirty and not family members. 

Hmmm, so this Russian treat decided to take a risk and reach out to Khloe Purple, our American Bulldog that Jesus gifted to us right before we moved.  She fell instantly in love with her.  Go figure, she is really lovable! 

Then Ava decided to really push her to the limit (unknowingly) and share the

"Beautiful pink princess  grasshopper named Delilah" with her. 

Hesitation, then someone from the crowd (the Swissmen that speaks French?) says out loud "Russians do not like things that creep and crawl!"  It was like another challenge to my sister from Russia. 

Then she did it, she  took Delilah from Ava's palm and embraced her as a splendid creation of the Living God that she is. It was like soul healing I tell you for this girl!  First the dog and then the grasshopper. 

We BBQ'ed hot dogs which by the way are not made of Pork here. 

Drank alot of tea.  The English kind,

and shared our testimonies. 

One of the young men grew up in Namibia.  That's in Africa just in case your like me and was wondering.  His Dad shared the Good News for a decade there as he attended school in a nation where Apartheid was reality. 

Wow, did he have a heart full to share about raising

children away from their homeland. 

I think it was mostly encouraging but also very sobering.  I cannot even put to words how grateful I am to have gleaned from him his heart for balance and making family ministry a high priority.

He also spoke in French to Ava and she nearly melted. 

Her dream is to go to Paris, and on her 13th birthday (in like 3 years+)her granny from Missouri is going to meet her there.  She is counting down the days and saving for it already.

Okay, so have an amazing day you Embracers out there!  I am going to crank back up my Tur kish pop music as my language lesson today but before I go...

Begin each morning with a talk to God,

And ask for your divine inheritance

Of usefulness, contentment, and success.

Resign all fear, all doubt, and all despair.

The stars doubt not, and they are undismayed,

Though whirled through space for countless centuries,

And told not why or wherefore: and the sea

With everlasting ebb and flow obeys,

And leaves the purpose with the unseen Cause.

The star sheds radiance on a million worlds,

The sea is prodigal with waves, and yet

No lustre from the star is lost, and not

One drop is missing from the ocean tides.

Oh! brother to the star and sea, know all

God's opulence is held in trust for those

Who wait serenely and who work in faith.

- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

PE class on the Agean

HaHa, loving life today!!  I learned to ride a sccoter in Asia!!  Pics of that later, but for now....

PE class for homeschooled kiddos on the Agean Sea-

30 minutes a day of kayaking and swimming. 

God is so good to these girls I must say.



A Sea side adventure and Birthday celebration!

Today  we celebrated 2 fine birthdays. 

Amber’s  8^th and Clarks’ 14^th Always fun to get together

and celebrate young lives.

My dear friend Michelle is really good

at making sure everyone feels included.  Even the girl (Amber )

that already had a  RAD party back in Kansas right before we

left to come to Asia Minor. 

 I guess her son’s party did fall on

Ambers actually birthday, so I’ll let her off the hook this time. 

What a loving heart she has.

Amber SO did not want to wear the party hat for this photo. 

Her fellow ‘celebrate-ee’ talked her into it though.

 

They both blew out their own set of candles on the cake, but his candles for some odd reason would not go out. 

It made for some laughs fo sho.

Dusty took this one from the hip, nice job I must say. 

Then it was on the present opening.   Amber’s #1 love language (the 5 love languages are….touch, words, gifts, acts of service and quality time) is defiantly gifts, so times like this are most memorable for her. I love the expression on her face.

  She was blessed with lovely gifts. 

And this guy I tell ya......

........ is so good with all of his younger fan club. As the oldest kiddo

in the bunch most of them hang on each word he says and he truly

cares about responding and participating in their lives. 

He is a gift to all the lives he touches. 

Thanks Clark for showing them the love of the Father,

and the friendship of Jesus.

So, the deal was that while the boys went go cart racing with Clark,

the girls would come with Amber to the Sea,

(her fav place evah)

that is near our apartment.

I do not have any fun images of the boys’ time,

but I do have some hilarious ones from the girls time. 

Notice above (on the right side of the image) that

 Jenny from Germany is up to her ankles in water. 

These kiddos had a hoot of a time. There was a storm rolling in,

so the sea was rough-ish. 

Not for my 2 little fish, but for the little tikes. The bigger girls frolicked in

the sea and laughed and played like it was the best day evah….

For Amber it really was.  The bigger the waves and the darker the sky … the better in her eyes.

Okay, so back to the little tikes.They got brave and decided to go out into the rough water, but one particular childless, single German treat decided to help little lady as she went out to swim.

And all in she went!

Then all in Michelle went.  No sooner did the child she went to help abandoned her .  Gotta love kidds! 

Thanks to my German sister for the laughs, and free spirited way of life.  She is like a fresh drink of water on a hot day. 

Khloe Purple loves the sea, almost as much as she loves people!  I am so glad that my friend did not mind the wet dog sliding in her lap!

I found a little mermaid under the rusty old pier.

And a sea ferry too.

What a fun day it was.  Wet mamas, super happy children and an Amber Lou that loved every minute of it. 

God is so good to us.

Almost 8, And growing up gr8!

Happy 8th birthday Amber Lou! 

We had to get in on the action to mark, as a family this important

day for our family.

Our baby is 8. 

How did this happen?

I am now a mother of  an 8 and 9 year old, wow.

I am really , for realz the 'older mom' now.

 Amber loves her Ottoman drum and plays it daily.  Her big sister is not too supportive.

Khloe Purple, our 6 month old puppy that is weighing

in at almost 70lbs had to get some camera time too.

Smile pretty little Lou;)

This little beauty melts my heart I must say.

And yet again Khloe takes the spot light as we respond to all of her licking with kisses back. 

Hope you enjoyed checking out my beautiful back alley way behind our new home out side of Ephesus.  Blessings ya'll.